So Congratulations! You’re Pregnant! Is it a boy? Is it a Girl? Twins? There is a lot of excitement ahead for you! I’m sure you’re trying to figure out what you need to buy, how much everything will cost, etc. But what about pregnancy as a whole?
You’ve heard the statement ‘Pregnancy is Different for everyone’ and that’s true. You may have morning sickness and spend your morning cursing the unborn child in your belly for letting you worship the porcelain throne all morning. You could spend your afternoons taking a five-hour nap and then sleeping after two hours of being awake. It’s your pregnancy but here are some truths that are true for most women. I say most, because occasionally you get that one woman who loves being pregnant and none of this bugs her: There is possibly a screw loose in that one.
So here are some truths for pregnancy that strike true with MOST women.
- INSOMNIA WILL KICK IN
- RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME IS A BITCH
- YOU’RE NOT EATING FOR TWO AND WHAT YOU EAT MATTERS
- IF YOU GOT PREGNANT IN WINTER, SUMMER WILL SUCK
- SWELLING HAPPENS
- FARTS ARE GONNA HAPPEN, DON’T TRY TO HOLD THEM IN
- CRAVINGS ARE REAL AND YOU MUST FULFILL THEM
- MATERNITY CLOTHING IS NOT CUTE
- YOUR BOOBS WILL KILL YOU, DON’T WORRY IT’S NORMAL
- GIVING BIRTH IS NOT MAGICAL, IT’S HORRENDOUS
INSOMNIA WILL KICK IN
Enjoy your sleep while you can. Once your child is big enough to kick (believe me it won’t be long til they get there), they will be river dancing as much as possible. At all hours. The child doesn’t care nor does it understand that at night, you sleep. Not yet anyway. So besides the kicking keeping you up your will find that because you’re tired more that you will sleep during the day. guess what? this keeps you up at night because you’re not tired anymore. I got most of my energy in the evenings and it drove my boyfriend crazy. He hated the fact that i couldn’t sleep. Often it kept him up because that’s when i would clean the house and do laundry. Just be prepared to be frustrated and have moments where no matter what you do you can’t sleep.
Good news is you can take Unisom. So that’s something at least.
RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME IS A BITCH
Now this is pretty rare in pregnant woman. If you look it up on google only 15% of the pregnant women in the world actually get Restless Leg Syndrome. Let me tell you a little bit about RLS. Your legs will feel like they’re twitching. You will try to move them to more comfortable positions but you still feel like you have to move them in order to get comfy. Guess what? it won’t work. It will drive your partner nuts. By the end of my pregnancy, my partner was sleeping on the couch because I was moving my legs so much. It was crazy.
There are some things to help RLS but there is no cure per say. A hot bath tended to help, as did massaging my legs. Honestly just knock yourself out with Unisom. Take the Unisom before you actually get to bed because if you take it when you get in bed, you’ll sit there and wait for it to kick in. It’s annoying. A hot bath is my best recommendation for this.
YOU’RE NOT EATING FOR TWO AND WHAT YOU EAT MATTERS
So you know how most people will tell you to eat up because you’re “EATING FOR TWO”? Honey, that’s a damn lie. Your baby only needs 500 calories a day. Yep, that’s it. So while eating that extra Big Mac, or that extra slice of whatever looks great, it may not be the best thing for your baby. Think about that.
A Fetus needs less junk and more of those calories from healthy meats. You need to up your protein anyway. I think part of my issue with breastfeeding my own child is that i didn’t eat enough protein when I was pregnant. It didn’t help that meat made me throw up. (YEP LADIES IS HAPPENS). Now i’m not saying that having junk food occasionally isn’t bad. Because it’s not, just don’t make that your diet. PROTEIN! PROTEIN! PROTEIN!
If you’re like me and your kid has made you up chuck at the sight of meat, which is our biggest source of protein, protein shakes and cottage cheese will help keep that all in line.
IF YOU GET PREGNANT FROM NOVEMBER – JANUARY, SUMMER WILL SUCK!
So it’s summer and even though you’re pregnant, you want to go swim, or get some sun. Nobody likes to be a ghost when it’s beautiful outside right? Rethink that. Be a ghost.
Go get some men’s deodorant because ever one will smell you coming. The amount you sweat doubles. It’s gross but it happens. Rub that shit all over you, you’ll want it. You will sweat in places that you never knew you could. Heck, your vagina might sweat. It is what it is.
On top of it all, go get a bunch of the highest SPF sunscreen you can find. You’ll want this. Nobody may have told you this but during summer, with all that wonderful sun, your body is producing hormones that now makes you super sensitive to the sun. Congrats, if you don’t wear sunscreen, you will look like a fat pregnant lobster. Sexy right? So go stock up on that asap. It will save you from awful sunburns.
Okay, so near the end of your pregnancy you will begin to bloat and swell. don’t panic, it’s completely normal. well if you swell too much your doctor will put you on bed rest but for the most part swelling is normal. Your body retains water at this point, and a lot of salt will make it only retain more. Switch to Pink Himalayan salt, as it’s all natural, you’ll retain less. One of the joys about giving birth is that in the following days you will find yourself losing a lot of the pregnancy weight. Most of your pregnancy weight is WATER! YOU WILL NOT LOOK LIKE A BLOATED COW FOREVER, I PROMISE!
Some things that help the swelling go down is foot rubs! Make your partner give you some! If your partner is smart, they won’t argue with the pregnant person. Obviously they have to give you the foot rub because you can’t reach your ankles at this point. My partner had to put on my shoes for me. Don’t feel bad if you have to ask for help. It’s only for a couple more weeks at this point! You’re almost there.
FARTS ARE GONNA HAPPEN, DON’T BOTHER TO HOLD THEM IN
There is nothing more manly than letting one go. But in pregnancy you will have a ton of gas and frankly holding it in is impossible. People might give you awful looks but the release of that gas feels so good.
If you let one rip, and someone gives you a look, give them a look in return because you’re freaking pregnant! If they’re that bothered by your bodily function they can leave the area, and if they want to say something about it, well then they just look like the idiot for arguing with a pregnant woman. Who does that??
CRAVINGS ARE REAL AND YOU MUST FULFILL THEM
Everyone has a pregnancy story. The part everyone seems to be the most interested in, is what your craving of the month was. You could be one of those pickles and ice cream people, or a Chicken and frosting person. It doesn’t really matter in the long run. After you give birth you might think about what you eat, and then regret it, but when you are craving you, YOU WILL WANT IT!
I wasn’t a weird craving person. I really wanted salad and fruit. I had to have it. At any point during my pregnancy, you could open my fridge and find four or five bags of salad. Every single one was used by the expiration date. The only other thing I really wanted were pepperoncini peppers. You know, the ones that come with pizza? Like Papa Johns? Yeah one night I really wanted some and I was already ordering pizza for the boys, so I decided to add some extra so I would have lots to eat. I upped the number to 14 orders of pepperoncini peppers. Nothing like papa johns calling to clarify the order. Fourteen peppers or fourteen orders of peppers! FYI: one order of peppers from papa johns is for peppers. I definitely wanted fourteen orders of the those peppers. They had their own small pizza box when everything was delivered.
Don’t be afraid to fulfill your desires when you get that feeling in your stomach. There is something primal about how in order for a pregnant woman to be happy, her need for exactly what she wants (food wise that is…) has to be fulfilled. Doesn’t matter what time of day or night that you get them, you just have to have it. Don’t be afraid to go get that food or have it delivered.
MATERNITY CLOTHING IS NOT CUTE. IT’S NOT SEXY.
There is nothing cute about maternity clothing. Sadly as a woman who might be worried about her self-esteem, that does nothing to improve it. It’s also fairly expensive. The designers try, they really do. Its practical. So don’t be sad if you don’t feel super cute or feel like you should look better in something. Maternity clothing is literally just meant to accommodate your growing size and nothing more.
YOUR BOOBS WILL HURT AND ITS ABSOLUTELY AWFUL
So along with your growing belly, your breasts are also going to be growing. Early on in your pregnancy the breasts will be tender and possibly painful. It just depends on the person and the pain tolerance one is able to take.
A regular wire bra will begin to feel uncomfortable. The wires will poke, and prod. The band will begin to feel to tight and eventually you will just forgo the bra because bra-less is more comfortable. But bra-less is not the best option for your growing breasts.
A wire bra will have to be axed at a certain point in the pregnancy anyway. Some experts have said that the wire inhibits breast milk production. Wireless bras exist.
Try to find a wireless bra that can provide a lot of support. They do exist. Soma Intimates produces the enhancing wireless that provides a shape as well as support. That support will help keep your back from feeling like it’s holding the world up.
Breasts are just annoying during pregnancy but unfortunately they are necessary.
BIRTH IS NOT BEAUTIFUL, IT’S HORRENDOUS
So it’s the big day and you are ready to pop that child out! So many people have told you that its a magical thing, giving birth. That its the most amazing thing in the world. Well… Actually giving birth is not beautiful.
There is nothing magical about pushing a watermelon out of your vagina. The blood is not magical. It’s disgusting. The placenta following the child out of the birth canal… Yeah not magical… The people staring at your vagina… And God forbid if you tear…
But that moment that you get to hold your child for the first time, and connect with it, that is completely magical. At that point, nothing else matters in the world. Everything fades away. The pain, the sweat, the people in the room… everything completely fades away.
Everything leading up to giving birth is not fun. It’s biological but it’s not beautiful. What is beautiful is holding your child, watching him grow. Watching him learn sounds, crawl, sit up and explore the world. You went through all the bad for this massive dose of good. It’s honestly a true wonder to see that you carried a child around for nine months and that it will love you unconditionally.
Pregnancy is not easy. It’s not a train ride from point a to point b. But it is completely worth it.